| Name | Trainor |
|---|---|
| Profession | Artist |
| Feature | Excitable |
| Story | Just officially sold out last week |
Generate celebrities
| Name | Kang |
|---|---|
| Profession | Musician |
| Feature | Weathered mug |
| Story | Gave a random civilian loads of money |
| Name | Bigelow |
|---|---|
| Profession | Actor |
| Feature | Stumbles over words |
| Story | Perpetual star of the tabloids |
| Name | Lopez |
|---|---|
| Profession | Activist |
| Feature | Vapid fool |
| Story | Encourages violence through media |
| Name | Usher |
|---|---|
| Profession | Artist |
| Feature | Oozes charm |
| Story | Did a Zenner card ESP stunt on live television |