| Name | Ibanez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Commander |
| Feature | Fingerless gloves |
| Anecdote | Woodstock attendee |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Nguyen |
|---|---|
| Rank | Warrant officer |
| Feature | Loud shirt |
| Anecdote | Venting about their ex |
| Name | Schwartz |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Lover and a fighter |
| Anecdote | Ex-race car driver |
| Name | Ramirez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Colonel |
| Feature | Shaved head |
| Anecdote | Incomprehensible saga about daily errands |
| Name | Mason |
|---|---|
| Rank | Warrant officer |
| Feature | Incredibly confusing |
| Anecdote | On the Grassy Knoll |
| Name | Adéyemí |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | Charming |
| Anecdote | Personally saw Hitler die |
| Name | Kilgore |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |
| Name | Callahan |
|---|---|
| Rank | Commander |
| Feature | Charming |
| Anecdote | Failed celebrity |
| Name | Lee |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Eyepatch, stubble |
| Anecdote | Broke out of a Soviet gulag |
| Name | Nguyen |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | Argumentative |
| Anecdote | Famous friend-of-a-friend |