| Name | Schwartz |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Failed hanging scar |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Saad |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | History buff |
| Anecdote | Incomprehensible saga about daily errands |
| Name | Gill |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Faked moon landing theory |
| Name | Kai |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | Lover and a fighter |
| Anecdote | Failed celebrity |
| Name | Tran |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Shaved head |
| Anecdote | Captured by pirates |
| Name | Hasan |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Eyepatch, stubble |
| Anecdote | Favorite athlete's greatest achievement |
| Name | Ramirez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Charming |
| Anecdote | Patented an invention |
| Name | Hawk |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Very cool tattoo |
| Anecdote | Woodstock attendee |
| Name | Grant |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Incredibly confusing |
| Anecdote | Robbed a gas station |
| Name | Chan |
|---|---|
| Rank | Major |
| Feature | Fishing line stitches |
| Anecdote | Harassed by men in black |