| Name | Saad |
|---|---|
| Rank | Commander |
| Feature | No indoor voice |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Soap |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Main character |
| Anecdote | Romantic escapade |
| Name | Ibanez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Ethical conundrums |
| Anecdote | Mundane story from the news |
| Name | Mostafa |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Captured by pirates |
| Name | Schwartz |
|---|---|
| Rank | Colonel |
| Feature | Incredibly confusing |
| Anecdote | Shaggy dog joke |
| Name | Ramirez |
|---|---|
| Rank | General |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Captured by pirates |
| Name | Ibanez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Extremely organized |
| Anecdote | Nearly murdered for hustling |
| Name | Ramirez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Main character |
| Anecdote | Personally saw Hitler die |
| Name | Schwartz |
|---|---|
| Rank | Major |
| Feature | No indoor voice |
| Anecdote | Nearly murdered for hustling |
| Name | Adéyemí |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | No indoor voice |
| Anecdote | Niche hobby hard sell |