| Name | Abrams |
|---|---|
| Rank | Major |
| Feature | Loud shirt |
| Anecdote | Harassed by men in black |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Chan |
|---|---|
| Rank | Major |
| Feature | Sunglasses indoors |
| Anecdote | Cryptid encounter |
| Name | Mason |
|---|---|
| Rank | Colonel |
| Feature | Overthinker |
| Anecdote | Incomprehensible saga about daily errands |
| Name | Stone |
|---|---|
| Rank | Private |
| Feature | Charming |
| Anecdote | Bad comedy routine |
| Name | Gill |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Good listener |
| Anecdote | Failed celebrity |
| Name | Hawk |
|---|---|
| Rank | Warrant officer |
| Feature | Eyepatch, stubble |
| Anecdote | Ex-race car driver |
| Name | Adéyemí |
|---|---|
| Rank | Warrant officer |
| Feature | Takes joy in killing |
| Anecdote | Robbed a gas station |
| Name | Mohammed |
|---|---|
| Rank | Warrant officer |
| Feature | Ethical conundrums |
| Anecdote | On the Grassy Knoll |
| Name | Mostafa |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | Knuckle tattoos |
| Anecdote | Personally saw Hitler die |
| Name | Ramirez |
|---|---|
| Rank | Commander |
| Feature | Extremely organized |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |