| Name | Antonov |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Striking makeup |
| Anecdote | Niche hobby hard sell |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Kai |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Movie star face |
| Anecdote | Venting about their ex |
| Name | Soap |
|---|---|
| Rank | Lieutenant |
| Feature | Gold tooth |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |
| Name | Soap |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Striking makeup |
| Anecdote | Failed celebrity |
| Name | Schwartz |
|---|---|
| Rank | Major |
| Feature | Sunglasses indoors |
| Anecdote | Religious vision |
| Name | Kai |
|---|---|
| Rank | General |
| Feature | Incredibly confusing |
| Anecdote | Robbed a gas station |
| Name | Hawk |
|---|---|
| Rank | Colonel |
| Feature | Duplicitous coward |
| Anecdote | Cryptid encounter |
| Name | Tran |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Painted nails |
| Anecdote | Good football game |
| Name | Woo |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Chain-smoker |
| Anecdote | Personally saw Hitler die |
| Name | Johnson |
|---|---|
| Rank | Sergeant |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Woodstock attendee |